Yes. My skills are second to none. I do hardly any work, but this is what I do: (slackers everywhere take note)
1) show up to work an hour early every day.
something as simple as being on time seems to get me out of more trouble than anything else. by showing up an hour early, I get to do several things:
Be working before my managers even show up, when they are still drinking coffee, i'm firing up excell spreadsheets, have rewired half the network, and did all their leftover work from yesterday.
Check my e-mail and read web comics for almost a whole hour.
get an hour of overtime if (read this next part carefully) i don't go home early.
So, They give me huge piles of extra money if all i do is stay the full day, if they start saying something like 'You sure are racking up a lot of unauthorised overtime' (something they rarely notice, and often just pay) then I can offer to go home early, getting out of work at 4:00... and not seem like a slacker. i'm actually trying to help them! they appriceate my ditching work early, not cleaning up, and generally getting out of the worst part of the day.
2) Offer to help almost constantly.
My faovrite times are right before lunch, and right after i've gotten a huge assignment from someone else.
"I'm about to go to lunch, Do you need help with that big stack of paper that looks like an entire forest was killed to create it?"
"yes actually, i'm never going to get it done!"
"Oh, Okay, well, after lunch i'll be happy to help you. unless you want me to push my lunch back... but didn't you say something about no overtime? I'll be sure to get in to help you right after I get back."
or
"Hey, do you need any help in (fill in the blank) department?"
"Yes! Oh thanks! You are always so helpfull!"
"Okay. I just got this project from (bigger badder manager) I'll do your project after his... or if you like i'll go talk to him and see what's more important!"
"err... no... just do his stuff, when you are done though..."
or when it can't be avoided:
"Ruski, We have some Projects for you."
"Okay! give them all to me!"
"all of them?"
"Yup. every last one!"
"Okay, here you go. a minimum of 16 hours of work to do."
"Thanks!"
(go to next room)
"Give me every project you need done! I'm on a hot streak!"
"You sure?"
"Yup!"
"Okay, here's 8 hours of work."
(go to next room)
"Need anything?"
"you aren't buisy?"
"Never too buisy for you! what can i do to help?"
"well..."
(etc)
pick up so much work, than when none of it gets done, I can give 4962 really good reasons.
and, I do an awsome job on the handfull of projects I do compleate (make sure to turn in every assignment seperate, the more times you go into the office being done, the better your review will look) and if they give you more work at that point...well, who cares?
make sure that anyone that comes into your office while you are being overworked gets your compleate and undevided attention. stop whatever you are doing. work on their project untill compleation, and then go back to the pile of work.
Fallback projects.
thease are projects that have a scope of 6 months or more.
(entering data into the database is good)
(verifying a whole packet of data is also good)
mostly anything that's a long, tedious process that everyone will bump to the lowest priority, you can work on it in the 'background' and <alt>-<tab> over to it in an emergency. and if they demand "What are you doing!?!?" you can tell them you are trying desperatly to get that huge project done.
by constantly being cheerfull, willing to help, and showing up an hour early, you can pretty much garentee that no matter how little you do, everyone will like you. (the guy or gal that's 'always there for me', seldome is on the chopping block come pinkslip time)
now: becoming indespencable. Know how to do EVERYTHING. it's a lot to learn, (expecially at first) but if you can do every job at the entire company, you'll never be out of things to do, places to go (and hide) and there won't be anyone in the company that you can't 'stand arround talking to for an hour' without reason.
"Oh yea, he needed some help shipping stuff, i had to show him how to do a thing or two."
also a good idea: taking over. find something that no one else wants to do, and then let no one else do it. pretty soon, only you will know how to do it, and the thought of taking the effort to learn the process to do it, will make it so that you'll have a job for life.
"we would fire that slacker, but he's the only one who can do returns..."
"returns? Yuck! i dont' want to do thoes... i don't even know how! let's fire someone else instead... who's that guy who's late all the time?"
finally: work constantly. or at least apear to do so. even when there is nothing to do, and you shouldn't be doing anything (this hapens often in customer service areas) for retail, i'd suggest folding shirts, moving boxes, dusting, polishing, or counting coat hangers. just so long as you are doing something, ANYTHING, when people walk by, they'll say "that guy is always working"
little do they know that you have been using their toothbrush to clean that spot on the floor for the last hour.
and that's the slacker's advice. it's good stuff. i'd suggest trying some of it. it could get you a raise, will defenitly let you keep your job, and will probibly help you relax more durring the day.
-RuskiFace the Slacker
